This is my second marriage. I was married to my first husband for 9 years. We discovered the wonderful sport of dog agility together and acquired 4 dogs together. We always thought we "might" have kids, but it just never came to fruition. And to be honest, I was perfectly happy NOT having kids. I had my dogs...what more could I hope/ask for?
Shortly after our 9th wedding anniversary, my then husband said he wanted to move out. And there was nothing I could do. A friend once told me about a book called "Uncoupling." In this book, it mentions how the person who wants to leave has been thinking about leaving for a while and there is nothing the person left behind can really do about it. The Leaver has come to terms with it while the Leavee feels blindsided. I, as the Leavee, was most certainly blindsided. Course, the fact that he was interested in another woman (a woman I had considered a friend) was the final blow.
Regardless, a few years later I met my current husband. I met him on the internet. There...I said it out loud...I met him on the internet. We met in person at a lake with our dogs. He has a big, goofy Golden (Calvin) and I brought my then dog, Rysa (she has since gone to the Rainbow Bridge). We hit it off and started dating. During our talks and time together, he mentioned that family was important to him and that he would like kids some day. I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't have kids since I was pretty darned old (36 at the time) and set in my ways. Besides, I really enjoyed my life of heading to agility trials whenever I wanted and judging any trial I felt like. BUT, I hadn't completely closed the door.
We were married in August, 2001 and a few months later, we thought we'd give it a go. We got "lucky" the first time we tried and Dani came along 9 months later (I was 38). We decided she needed a sibling and before you know it, Erin was born when Dani was just 17.5 months (I was 39...I was determined not to give birth after 40!).
I had a hard time adjusting to my new life. I now found that I couldn't just head off to any and every agility trial...that I had to consider my family first. This became a balancing act to which I was unaccustomed. I muddled through, but today realize that I'm not doing so hot. Maybe it's because dog agility is a world in which 85% - 90% of the people are either childless or their children are grown and out of the house. I always find myself envying them...because after a show they can go home, prop up their feet and revel in a good day. I go home, sort out what went on throughout the day, then take over from a tired and weary husband.
I find that with my girls, I reach a boiling point much quicker than with the dogs. With the girls, I am impatient and can't stand it when they cry. With Jam, I have endless patience and encourage her to bark (I taught her "talk to me" and she does...with wild abandon!). I am not the type of mom who can think up fun, cute or craftsy-type things to do with them on a dime. I have to force myself to play with them since I truly find it quite boring. I love them and would fight anyone to the death for their rights, but I always feel awkward and unnatural when I do anything with them. It's not a good feeling and I'm trying so hard to work through it.
I seriously doubt I'd ever win any Mother of the Year contests, but for me...I'm doing the best I can. I can only hope that I'm not permanently damaging my girls.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Expectations and dog agility
I competed in a USDAA agility trial with Jam this past weekend. It was our first weekend in Advanced. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. We breezed through Starters rather quickly, so I knew she could "do" agility, but once you get to Advanced, it gets a little harder. The courses are less forgiving and the rules are somewhat stricter. So, Jam and I drove the 7 hours to Moorpark, CA (thank goodness for audio books!!) and had a whole lot of fun!!
Going into this trial, I basically had no expectations other than having fun with Jam and perfecting our on-course skills. The first class was Steeplechase. I had hoped to qualify, but instead we crashed and burned. BUT, her tail and ears were up, she was happy and so was I. The next course was Advanced Standard. We had flashes of brilliance, followed by flashes of silliness...in other words, another non-Q. Again, since I had no expectations, I wasn't disappointed, rather I came away realizing that we have some things to work on and she is a completely different dog than any other dog I've ever run before! Not to mention that she's still considered a baby dog...she's only 19 months after all!
Next came Jumpers. Jam was fast, happy and we were even accurate! :) She pulled the 3rd to last bar so we didn't Q, but her time was fast enough so had she not pulled that bar, we would've won the class. A HUGE positive in my opinion!!
The next class was Pairs. We had a draw partner who turned out to be a very nice Sheltie. We each had a nice run and came away with a Q...Woohoo!!! Our first Q in Advanced. A great way to end the day!
Sunday dawned chilly and misty. I had goosebumps on my goosebumps!! The first class of the day was Gamblers. Jam and I had a fabulous opening, earning more than enough points. The gamble was a jump to the teeter to a jump...you had to push the dog out for the last jump. We did great until the push out...I didn't give her a clear signal so instead, she came into me and barked as if to say..."mom...what do you want? why are you waving your arms??"...oh well!!
Next was Standard. The course was a nice course, very "doable." We ran it, and were clean and 20 seconds under time!! Another Q! :) In fact, we were the only team to Q in Championship on that course. How cool is that?! :)
The final course of the day was Snooker. By then the air had thickened with humidity and the temps were in the low 80's. I had a headache and my tummy was queasy...probably from the trail mix I couldn't keep myself from eating! I plotted a course, then found out I could do 4 reds instead of 3, so I re-plotted the course! Then I watched a few others go before me and changed my mind mid-stream. This can be dangerous, but I look at it as a challenge! When it was our turn, we went in, ran fast and came away with 58 (out of a possible 59) points and another Q!! What a rush! :) We even had 12 seconds to spare!
All in all, we ended up with 3 Q's in Advanced!! How cool is that?! BUT, the most important part is that we had fun in the process. I am competitive, but have learned over the years that if you get tense and put unrealistic expecatations on you and your dog, you will come away disappointed...and so will your dog. Why put that much pressure on when this is supposed to be fun?
I firmly believe that in agility, attitude is everything!
Going into this trial, I basically had no expectations other than having fun with Jam and perfecting our on-course skills. The first class was Steeplechase. I had hoped to qualify, but instead we crashed and burned. BUT, her tail and ears were up, she was happy and so was I. The next course was Advanced Standard. We had flashes of brilliance, followed by flashes of silliness...in other words, another non-Q. Again, since I had no expectations, I wasn't disappointed, rather I came away realizing that we have some things to work on and she is a completely different dog than any other dog I've ever run before! Not to mention that she's still considered a baby dog...she's only 19 months after all!
Next came Jumpers. Jam was fast, happy and we were even accurate! :) She pulled the 3rd to last bar so we didn't Q, but her time was fast enough so had she not pulled that bar, we would've won the class. A HUGE positive in my opinion!!
The next class was Pairs. We had a draw partner who turned out to be a very nice Sheltie. We each had a nice run and came away with a Q...Woohoo!!! Our first Q in Advanced. A great way to end the day!
Sunday dawned chilly and misty. I had goosebumps on my goosebumps!! The first class of the day was Gamblers. Jam and I had a fabulous opening, earning more than enough points. The gamble was a jump to the teeter to a jump...you had to push the dog out for the last jump. We did great until the push out...I didn't give her a clear signal so instead, she came into me and barked as if to say..."mom...what do you want? why are you waving your arms??"...oh well!!
Next was Standard. The course was a nice course, very "doable." We ran it, and were clean and 20 seconds under time!! Another Q! :) In fact, we were the only team to Q in Championship on that course. How cool is that?! :)
The final course of the day was Snooker. By then the air had thickened with humidity and the temps were in the low 80's. I had a headache and my tummy was queasy...probably from the trail mix I couldn't keep myself from eating! I plotted a course, then found out I could do 4 reds instead of 3, so I re-plotted the course! Then I watched a few others go before me and changed my mind mid-stream. This can be dangerous, but I look at it as a challenge! When it was our turn, we went in, ran fast and came away with 58 (out of a possible 59) points and another Q!! What a rush! :) We even had 12 seconds to spare!
All in all, we ended up with 3 Q's in Advanced!! How cool is that?! BUT, the most important part is that we had fun in the process. I am competitive, but have learned over the years that if you get tense and put unrealistic expecatations on you and your dog, you will come away disappointed...and so will your dog. Why put that much pressure on when this is supposed to be fun?
I firmly believe that in agility, attitude is everything!
Monday, June 18, 2007
The first lake outing, my new ride and Father's Day
We finally got the boat out on the water...woohoo!! There were a few kinks in the process, but once we got on the water, all those kinks were forgotten. It was HOT (about 110 degrees) and windy, but the cold, green lake water felt refreshing after the initial plunge into it! We were able to do some waterskiing (found some muscles I haven't used in a while) and the girls had a GREAT time swimming in the "cove." Dani jumped off the back of the boat repeatedly and even threw a frisbee around to others in the water. Erin was freezing while in the water, but didn't want to come out! Eventually, she came out and we sat on the back of the boat and watched the others play some frisbee. All in all, a great outing!!
And now my new ride! On Saturday, I traded in my 2001 blue Ford Expedition for a 2004 burgundy Ford Expedition! It's got only 30,000 miles on it and is pretty spiffy! It has a buil-in DVD player (I wasn't looking for that, but this one had it) and some other bells and whistles I didn't have before. I really do love it! We took it to the lake yesterday so it's already got it's first coat of dust on it! :) Thankfully the suspension is better so our trip out to the lake wasn't quite as bumpy. I'll take it to California this weekend for another dog show! :-)
Then, of course, yesterday was Father's Day. My husband loves the lake so for him, getting the boat out in the water was the best gift. We really don't do gifts, so the girls and I gave him cards in the morning and then headed out to the lake. When we got home, he wanted brats, so we got some brats, cooked 'em up and ate a yummy meal (the ONLY red meat I will eat is a brat...that's it!). After the girls were in bed, he wanted to sit in the jacuzzi for a while, so he took his iPod and headed out for some jacuzzi time. All in all, I think he had a very nice day!
Now we have a long, hot summer ahead of us. Hopefully between the pool, lake and sprinklers, we'll be able to keep cool!
And now my new ride! On Saturday, I traded in my 2001 blue Ford Expedition for a 2004 burgundy Ford Expedition! It's got only 30,000 miles on it and is pretty spiffy! It has a buil-in DVD player (I wasn't looking for that, but this one had it) and some other bells and whistles I didn't have before. I really do love it! We took it to the lake yesterday so it's already got it's first coat of dust on it! :) Thankfully the suspension is better so our trip out to the lake wasn't quite as bumpy. I'll take it to California this weekend for another dog show! :-)
Then, of course, yesterday was Father's Day. My husband loves the lake so for him, getting the boat out in the water was the best gift. We really don't do gifts, so the girls and I gave him cards in the morning and then headed out to the lake. When we got home, he wanted brats, so we got some brats, cooked 'em up and ate a yummy meal (the ONLY red meat I will eat is a brat...that's it!). After the girls were in bed, he wanted to sit in the jacuzzi for a while, so he took his iPod and headed out for some jacuzzi time. All in all, I think he had a very nice day!
Now we have a long, hot summer ahead of us. Hopefully between the pool, lake and sprinklers, we'll be able to keep cool!
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Once-in-a-Lifetime dog...
Yup...I've found her...and I'm one lucky human!
This past weekend, Jam and I competed in our second USDAA trial. She completed all the requirements at the Starters level and earned her first-ever title! Her official name is now Jam, AD! :) (AD = Agility Dog)
This little dog gives it her all with enthusiasm and joy. She bounds through the course with a smile on her snout and her little ears flying behind her! The ONLY thing inhibiting her would be me...the handler. You see, when an error is made on course, 99.9% of the time it is the handler's fault. And knowing this I rarely, if ever, blame my dog for a run gone sour. It's just not fair to the dog who is on the course with you giving it their all.
I have some things to fine-tune with Jam and we will, but in the meantime, we're moving on up to Advanced-level classes! I know Jam's ready...but am I? We shall soon see as her next trial is in two weeks!!
This past weekend, Jam and I competed in our second USDAA trial. She completed all the requirements at the Starters level and earned her first-ever title! Her official name is now Jam, AD! :) (AD = Agility Dog)
This little dog gives it her all with enthusiasm and joy. She bounds through the course with a smile on her snout and her little ears flying behind her! The ONLY thing inhibiting her would be me...the handler. You see, when an error is made on course, 99.9% of the time it is the handler's fault. And knowing this I rarely, if ever, blame my dog for a run gone sour. It's just not fair to the dog who is on the course with you giving it their all.
I have some things to fine-tune with Jam and we will, but in the meantime, we're moving on up to Advanced-level classes! I know Jam's ready...but am I? We shall soon see as her next trial is in two weeks!!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Life is a roller coaster...
...And it's getting pretty crazy!
We are still in the depths of tonsilectomy recovery with Erin. She is getting better, but not by leaps and bounds...more like fits and starts. She and Dani start "club PeeWee" today...a program offered by the Parks and Rec dept. I'm hoping she'll make it through the 2 hour timeframe without any issue.
Yesterday we just found out the sad news that one of Jeff's Aunt's died unexpectedly. She wasn't in the best of health to begin with, but apparently she laid down for a nap and never woke up. Jeff's entire extended family lives in Iowa, so this morning Jeff's mom and sister (who live near us) got on a plane to fly there for the funeral. Jeff hasn't decided whether he'll go back yet, but will hopefully sort through everything soon. The funeral is on Friday.
And of course I'm supposed to head to an agility trial in San Diego this weekend! Soooo, I've already talked to a friend who is willing to take the girls Friday night for a sleepover. Jeff would catch a late flight back Friday night and pick up the girls Saturday morning.
CRAZY!!!
Oh yeah...and Jeff is having an abcessed tooth extracted today!
I think what amazes me most is how calm I've been through all this. Erin's surgery was a big deal, but I didn't let myself get all worked up. The recovery has been difficult, but I've held it together for the most part. The death of the Aunt...I went into a mode in which I wanted to find solutions that would work for everyone. I got online and got a good airfare for Jeff (should he decide to go) and I talked with my friend about possible childcare...all without losing it or shedding a single tear.
Hopefully this means that I can take lemons and make some pretty sweet-tasting lemonade! :)
We are still in the depths of tonsilectomy recovery with Erin. She is getting better, but not by leaps and bounds...more like fits and starts. She and Dani start "club PeeWee" today...a program offered by the Parks and Rec dept. I'm hoping she'll make it through the 2 hour timeframe without any issue.
Yesterday we just found out the sad news that one of Jeff's Aunt's died unexpectedly. She wasn't in the best of health to begin with, but apparently she laid down for a nap and never woke up. Jeff's entire extended family lives in Iowa, so this morning Jeff's mom and sister (who live near us) got on a plane to fly there for the funeral. Jeff hasn't decided whether he'll go back yet, but will hopefully sort through everything soon. The funeral is on Friday.
And of course I'm supposed to head to an agility trial in San Diego this weekend! Soooo, I've already talked to a friend who is willing to take the girls Friday night for a sleepover. Jeff would catch a late flight back Friday night and pick up the girls Saturday morning.
CRAZY!!!
Oh yeah...and Jeff is having an abcessed tooth extracted today!
I think what amazes me most is how calm I've been through all this. Erin's surgery was a big deal, but I didn't let myself get all worked up. The recovery has been difficult, but I've held it together for the most part. The death of the Aunt...I went into a mode in which I wanted to find solutions that would work for everyone. I got online and got a good airfare for Jeff (should he decide to go) and I talked with my friend about possible childcare...all without losing it or shedding a single tear.
Hopefully this means that I can take lemons and make some pretty sweet-tasting lemonade! :)
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