Early this summer our family experienced the passing away of a treasured member of our family. My children lost their dad, I lost my confidant and partner in raising our kids. Jeff and I were not together when he passed, but we were friends and 100% committed to raising our kids to the best of our abilities. We worked well together to ensure that the girls had what they needed and were happy, healthy and felt secure.
All of that was shattered on June 7.
It was a busy weekend for us. Erin had dance pictures all day and Dani had a softball tournament. I attended the first of Dani's games, and then headed over to the dance studio for a day full of hair spray, make-up, costume changes and craziness. I secretly like dance picture day, but don't tell anyone....! I got a phone call around 11:30 that morning from Jeff's sister asking me to come to the hospital now, if not sooner. You see, Jeff had gone to the hospital the evening of June 5. He was throwing up blood, which is never good. I visited with him June 6 and he was in good spirits and planning on being released in a couple days. He was mad at having been taken to the hospital (he had spent 9 months of 2013 in hospitals so you can understand his frustration) but realized he needed the care. He was able to Skype the girls (he was in ICU, they couldn't come in) and tell them that he loved them. No one knew that would be the last time he would see or talk to his girls.
When I got to the hospital, Jeff had been rushed into emergency surgery. He had developed a severe bleed into his abdomen and during the exploration, he coded so they had to start chest compressions and put him on a ventilator. At that point, they made the decision to rush him to surgery to fix the bleed. They spent 3 hours working on him. They did stabilize him, but it was short-lived. Shortly after he returned to his room in the ICU, he started bleeding out again. 4 hours later, he lost his fight for his life.
The hardest thing anyone has to do is to tell their young children that their Daddy is gone. They were devastated. Crushed. We cried together in that cold, hospital waiting room, trying to process how something like this could happen. After the initial shock had passed, they wanted to go home, play Clue and watch a movie. We did just that and then slept together in the living room. We had dance recital dress rehearsal week that next week which was a blessing in disguise, but I'm afraid it simply masked their pain. They were kept busy with trips to Wisconsin and California, along with play dates and sleep overs. Thank God for friends who were willing to help them and welcome them into their homes.
Now school has started, softball is in full swing and dance starts today. We are settling into some sort of normalcy. In the midst of this, I found a notebook started by my youngest, with notes to Daddy each day, thanking him for the events of her day. I cried...both because it was so sweet and because it shows me that she is grieving. Her main way of coping has been to hop from friend to friend...she hasn't shown a whole lot of emotion. My oldest holds things in as well, but will cry when she thinks of her Daddy. She does show emotion and sadness. This notebook demonstrated to me that my youngest does indeed grieve, but in her own, quiet way.
This entire experience has left a hole in our lives and in our hearts. It has also demonstrated to me who my true friends are. I thank God that I have the friends I do...I honestly don't know what I would do without your support. So many people don't know how to respond when a death occurs. I must admit that I'm one of those...do you offer to help or are they too busy with family? Do you keep calling them to make sure they're OK or do you leave them alone? Do you send a card or flowers or do you figure they've gotten enough from other people? I will tell you...never figure that they've had too much help, don't want to talk or don't have enough flowers or cards. When a death occurs, any help or support you can give means the world to the grieving family. I know I cried many happy tears when we received such beautiful cards from such caring people. The sentiments were real and were well-received by the girls and I.
The girls and I will be OK. We are working things out. It's not always going to be easy, but thankfully they are good girls and hopefully I can keep them in check! As I said to Jeff many times during his hospitalization and recovery...we are all adjusting to "new normal" and we will all be fine. Our "new normal" now comes with a guardian angel...and we'll be fine.
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