With the advent of Facebook, this blog took a break. I guess it's the sign of the times. My life also got exponentially busier (more busy...?) which left me with little time to post an actual blog. Facebook posts are short and sweet...blog posts, not so much.
Mostly I'm back because I have a few things to say. Where to start...
Dance vs. Softball
Every single year at the end of May, these worlds collide. Sadly, the loser is always my girls. The dance people want them in class as they are working out their final staging for the recital. The softball people need them at the games as they are playing their pool/tourney games. I am put in the middle, trying to make everyone happy. I would have to say that this is by far one of my top two most stressful times of the year. The girls rarely, if ever, miss dance classes throughout the year. Not to mention they (especially Dani) are routinely overlooked and placed in the back of group numbers. Dani in particular works her a$$ off in her classes and I always feel so bad for her. The softball people hate having to work around dance, but again...Dani missed one practice all season. One. However, she is a valued member of the team (she plays 1st base and has an awesome bat) and receives the recognition she deserves. I guess I'm between a rock and a hard place with all this. Dani is not the favorite at dance and having this conflict with softball each year simply amplifies it...whereas in softball she is valued and loved by her teammates and her coaches. I try so hard to keep the peace, but I'm getting sorta tired of doing that. The studio owner recognizes that some company members (which both girls are) have other interests. I think where I get upset is when other company members are off on vacation or at other school functions, and it's OK. However, when my girls are playing a softball game, I feel their wrath and have to suck it up. Makes for a very unhappy, stressed out mama.
Dog Stuff
I love dog agility. I really do. It's an awesome way for the dogs and I to go out there and give it our all. Sadly, the agility world is not without it's own drama. I left the club of which I was one of the original board members (back before agility was cool). Why did I leave? The board that has been in charge for a while now is slowly driving the club into the ground. The president is very immature and is all about drama. It's as if she never left high school. She started talking about me behind my back. Of course, I have a wide network of friends in agility so it all got back around to me. I decided that I simply couldn't associate with this sandbox-type behavior, so I left. Even though I left, the drama continues to follow me. I am so over it and haven't associated with these people in months, but they can't seem to leave me alone. Thank goodness I have some awesome and amazing friends who have my back. Not sure what I'd do without them!!
The "Illness"
2013 has been a challenging year. Christmas morning, Jeff, the girls' dad (we are separated), had a severe acute case of pancreatitis. He almost lost his life twice, but battled back each time. As of this post (mid-June), he is still in the hospital. The girls and I have been adjusting...we have our good days and bad days. While I want him to get out of the hospital soon, I am conflicted. I have been a true single mom for 6 months, and I don't want to share the girls again. Maybe I'm being selfish, but we've gotten used to the "new normal" and it will be hard to go back to what it was like "before." Jeff will be fine, though he will have a lot of adjustments to make when he does get out of the hospital and I wish him nothing but the best. It's been a roller coaster ride for everyone and I'm pretty sure we're all ready to get off.
Friends and Such
I struggle with this. I am one of those people who is very friendly and an extrovert by nature. I had lots of friends growing up and always had someone to hang out with. Now, not so much. I really treasure my dance friends, softball friends and agility friends...they are fantastic, but what's missing are the school mom friends. I have been on the edge of a clique for a while now and can never seem to "get in." I'm not trying overly hard to do so as I abhor cliques, but I see how it hurts Dani. She is friends with some of the girls in this clique and when we don't get invited to one of their many parties or camp outs or whatever, it hurts. She is already somewhat shy, so when she hears about all the good times these kids have at these functions, she shuts down. Like I said...I've tried to "get in," but truth be told...I'm a) not a heavy drinker and b) a LOT older than all of them. Drinking seems to be a mainstay at these parties and I just don't go for that. I just don't seem to fit in...which I'm not totally upset with...but it doesn't feel good either. I think I just need my bestie...and she's in Wisconsin. I guess I need an Arizona bestie. Course, I may be too old to use that term, but whatever.
To Wrap It Up...
Perhaps I've been having somewhat of a pity party lately. I've been doing my best to keep it all together for the girls and to be positive, but many times I fail. I am NOT superwoman nor do I care to be. I am simply a mom who is trying to do everything in her power to make everyone happy. Lately I feel as if I'm disappointing everyone and it sucks. Perhaps I need to seek professional help...or eat more chocolate...but something's gotta give. Only I have the power to change my life...I'm just too tired to start that journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment